Ask or tell? Which works best?

One of the first things that any decent coaching course will cover is the ‘ask-tell’ continuum. Over on the far right we tell people things – from a straightforward answer through to details of what to do and how to do it. On the left we ask them.

Both have their uses; each has times when they’re more appropriate. If you want to have a team of people who are happy to follow you, it’s worth checking that you’re doing enough asking.

Why? Just think about how you feel when you’re told to do something. Your answers may range from “good, got it thanks”, “thanks for clearing that up” to “feeling pretty patronised right now” or “still not much wiser”.

Now think about how you feel when you’re asked about something. You get to respond, you actually get the mic. How do you feel? Your answers may include “listened to”, “respected” and even “helped me to think it through aloud”.

Managers with a coaching style will tend to ask more; those with a more directive style will tell more. Many managers spend far too much of their conversations with those they manage rooted at the ‘Tell’ end of the continuum.

Sure, there are times when you’ll need to be more directive – explaining a task someone’s tackling for the first time, for example. But even then you could end the discussion by asking coaching questions. Pay attention to how much you’re telling versus asking. Get in the habit of pausing for breath before you tell, and turning it round to a question, as in these examples:

Dawn is the author of ‘The Feedback Book’ and ‘How to be Zoomly at work’

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