Appealing to people’s preferences to be more persuasive, respectfully

To clarify, this post isn’t about how to manipulate people and somehow put one over on them. That’s neither respectful nor likely to build trust in the long-term. In Zoomly’s ‘How to influence and persuade’ workshop the point is made from the start. There are multiple everyday situations when we simply want to be heard,… Read more

Are you asking the right questions?

  When you’re working and collaborating with clients, suppliers, colleagues, team members, what questions do you hear? What questions do you ask? Most of us don’t give it too much thought – it’s just a conversation, right? Well, yes and no. Yes, I hope you have two-way conversations with these people. No, asking the right… Read more

Vital communication skill – listening

Very often when people think of working on their communication skills, they’ll say they need to boost their speaking / presentation / influencing skills. Fair enough – those are indeed applications of communication skills – yet I have a sneaking suspicion that the focus is on transmitting more than receiving. I think the most under-rated… Read more

20 questions to help you negotiate (and one to avoid)

In Zoomly’s ‘How to negotiate’ workshop (co-created with ‘How to pay less for more’ author Marc Lockley), after participants have practised negotiating with each other, we debrief and ask for insights gained. One of the big ‘aha’ moments people report is the power of asking the right questions – and the perils of asking the… Read more

How to influence without manipulating

  Right at the start of Zoomly’s ‘How to influence and persuade’ workshop, we discuss the importance of influencing for mutual benefit. If that’s your goal, chances are you won’t sink to using manipulation, which is a concern people naturally have about this topic. The simple way to decide if someone’s influencing or manipulating is… Read more

Influencing isn’t manipulating – keep it R.E.A.L.

The word ‘influence’ is defined by as, “The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behaviour of someone or something, or the effect itself” and, “The power to shape policy or ensure favourable treatment from someone, especially through status, contacts, or wealth; examples include someone “being a good influence [on another… Read more

Manipulating and influencing – two very different things

When I run our ‘How to influence & persuade’ workshop, we spend some time working out just what the difference between influencing and outright manipulating is. I think it’s vital to get straight on that at the start. Some people might be harbouring a secret wish to acquire some dark art (well, you never know)…. Read more

Influencing Using NLP

When we want to influence people, a very powerful technique can be to mirror or match their body language and voice. Now obviously, we’re not talking about mimicking or aping another person’s every twitch, scratch and drumming finger – how would you like that? No: we’re talking about paying careful and respectful attention to them,… Read more

Influence Others Using The Senses

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) has much to offer us when it comes to improving our influencing skills. For example, NLP is very big on understanding how we use our five senses: Seeing – Visual Hearing – Auditory Feeling – Kinaesthetic Smelling – Olfactory Tasting – Gustatory NLP calls these our Representational systems, and claims we… Read more

Ask A Coach: How Can I Have More Influence?

Hmmm… My answer to this one is often another question: so that you can what? One of the Big Issues with influencing that we need to grasp right from the start is that it needs to be done with integrity. If you are out to manipulate others or use dark arts such as emotional blackmail,… Read more